FRIEND OR FOE?

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Bus fight

Me: What a fucking production. Does it have to beep and let off steam every goddamn time it stops? When did this town turn into a baby depot, you know?

G: It’s makes life easier for people. It doesn’t bother me. Why do you always have to see the worst in everything?

ME: Are you defending the bus? Are you and the bus friends?

G: All I’m saying is the bus isn’t that bad, and it’s stupid to get so worked up about it.

Me: I just think we’re being treated like babies. Like before buses wouldn’t name each and every stop. Either you knew, or you asked. Now we have to listen to that voice tell us what street we’re coming up to wether we like it or not. It’s the worst.

G: It’s for the blind people.

Me; Blind people? Fuck off. Blind people don’t need that shit. Does that mean you’re into those chirps at the crosswalk?

G: What the fuck is your problem? Do you have to shit on every single thing.

Me: You normally agree with me. Why the fuck are you all PC tonight?

G: Don’t drag me down. I was in a good mood.

Me: And now because I insulted the bus you feel like shit? I don’t get you.

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My Best Friend, Shannie

Here is a typical conversation between my best friend and me.

me:  haha man your cunty

Shanon: listen,you should consider yourself lucky since you and nicky and andrew are really the only friends i hang out with anymore

me:  pow! (that was the sound of me shooting myself in the face)

Shanon:  haha no UR a cunt

me:  no, you.

Shanon:  blabbity blabbity

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Welcome, I hate my best friend.

My best friend and I don’t get along 80% of the time we’re around each other, which is every single day. We fight about everything: tv, shoes, bikes, food, health, romance, right vs wrong, buses, driving, names of things, people we know, people we don’t know, things that are annoying, money, math, science, religion, philosophy, grammar. If we were married I would divorce him and I would make sure the divorce was long, painful and full of outlandish accusations. Unfortunately we’re not married, so I can’t divorce him. Instead I’ve decided to document our dischord on the internet because that’s what friends do.

I can be contacted here: friendorfoeblog@gmail.com

Fuck friends.